


Unsteady

by lostmyheadd



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Converted, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28897566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmyheadd/pseuds/lostmyheadd
Summary: “Oh. I think her name is 'my things’? Because the last time we talked you couldn’t have anything distracting you from it.” Chaeyoung blurted out with anger in her chest. She started walking backwards, shaking her head as tears started streaming down her cheeks again. “I think I’m the problem. As usual. Too much trouble for you, right? For you and for the rest of the world’s population.” She managed to smile sarcastically.“Chaeyoung…”“Shut up, Jennie.”orChaeyoung is a mess and Jennie takes care of her
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé, Park Chaeyoung | Rosé/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	Unsteady

“If you don’t try harder you will never be a part of this family.” Chaeyoung was in her bathroom when she remembered the words her mother had said to her two hours before. She was sprinkling perfume over her neck, but she stopped. Her eyes got glassy, she could see it on the reflection staring back at her in the mirror. She clenched her jaw and without thinking she flipped her body to the other side and threw the pink perfume bottle against the wall with all the strength she could muster. It crashed into a thousand pieces, the liquid flying with it, splashing on the wall and trickling to the white marble floor. She stared at it, put her hands over her face and sobbed for three minutes in that same spot.

It was like the hundredth time her mother had said that to her. She was sick of it. Her mother wanted her to be a lawyer, and then maybe even a judge, but that wasn’t for her. She didn’t want to follow her steps and that made her mother so furious. Since Chaeyoung entered her puberty and the hormones made her change from the cute tiny princess she was to a rebel teenager, as her mother would describe, her mother just seemed to disagree with anything Chaeyoung would think, say, or believe. Her two-years-older sister, though, was the perfect human God sent to earth and Chaeyoung couldn’t do anything to change it. Alice loved to rub all that she could easily achieve on Chaeyoung’s face and their mother seemed to enjoy it.

Her makeup was destroyed when she looked at the mirror again. She quickly fixed it and left her room to go downstairs. Her brown purse hanging on her forearm, sunglasses on the top of her head holding her hair up like a hair band. She was wearing an expensive loose white shirt, torn dark skinny jeans and bare feet. Her heels on her hands.

“Sandra,” she called the housemaid that was attentively cleaning the, mostly nonexistent, dust from the decorations sitting atop a large black coffee table in one of the rooms of their house.

“Good afternoon, Chaeyoung.” The woman looked at her and smiled. She was wearing a typical housemaid uniform. Chaeyoung smiled back at her and approached her with a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I… accidentally dropped one of my perfume bottles and it shattered all over the floor.” She made an apologetic face to which Sandra shook her head and lightly chuckled. “Can you clean it up for me?” Chaeyoung asked. She knew the answer was yes, but asked anyway.

“I’ll clean it up in two minutes, Chae.” Sandra smiled and kept dusting whatever she had in her hands.

“Thank you.” Chaeyoung smiled back. She placed her purse on the couch next to them and her heels on the floor. She took a seat and grabbed her phone. She waited for Sandra to go upstairs to walk to the next room, walking directly to her father’s particular bar. She picked a bottle of vodka and poured the liquid, filling up until half of a stainless steel coffee cup she had grabbed from inside her purse. She took two sips of it, her throat burning, but the burning was nothing compared to how her eyes had burned the night before when she cried herself to sleep. She put her heels on, hooked her purse on her arm, picked a thick coat and left the house.

It was three in the afternoon, on a Saturday. She stopped at a drive thru to have ‘lunch’ and after that she had absolutely nothing to do. She decided to go to the movies, her and her vodka. She cried her eyes out watching a romance, and when the movie came to an end she had finished more than half of the bottle. She left the theater, stepped in her car and drove to a convenience store.

“Anything else?” The woman behind the cash register asked her. Chaeyoung was now an expert at pretending to be sober. How many times she had gone to work still drunk and her father knew absolutely nothing of it.

“No, thank you.” Chaeyoung smiled quickly. She was 20 and had just shown her fake ID to the lady. She left the store holding a pack with three different chocolate bars and a bottle of cheap vodka.

She was in her car, a chocolate bar in her hands and the vodka sitting on the leather seat beside her. She turned the stereo on and sighed. She drank the rest of the vodka she had in her cup and opened the new one.

She drank and she drank until she started crying again. She felt so alone, but she had like two hundred messages unread showing on her phone screen. It was all about parties, it was all about things that only made her happy on the surface and for a short time. She needed a real friend, she needed to feel, she needed someone to talk, but she had no one like that. No one who seemed to like her for who she was, only for what her name meant: money.

She could think of one person, but it was much more complicated than that.

_“Hello?” Chaeyoung heard someone calling from outside the bathroom stall she was hiding in. “Are you ok?” The voice asked after Chaeyoung almost broke the toilet paper holder as she tried to catch some pieces of paper to clean the mess she made with her drink. The Martini glass was placed on top of the toilet as she was trying to dry her feet. “Hello?” The female voice called again and knocked on the door._

_“I’m fi-” Chaeyoung let a hiccup escape._

_“Are you sure?”_

_Chaeyoung opened the door and stared at the only person in the restroom. It was a woman, obviously, probably her age. She was wearing a long black skirt and a crop top. She looked classy. Her dark hair fell to her shoulders, she had a small tattoo on her forearm, her eyes were brown, her skin tan and her plump lips were painted a dark red. Chaeyoung blinked a few times before stepping out of the stall, walking slowly since her shoes were wet and her body wasn’t fully aware of its moves._

_“I’m sorry for asking again, but are you ok?” The girl asked Chaeyoung, her brown eyes following the girl until the long granite countertop, where she placed the Martini glass and reached the sink to wash her hands._

_“I'm…” Chaeyoung sighed and closed her eyes. She wasn’t ok and if her father saw her like that in the middle of a company event, she would be in serious trouble. “I’m not ok. I need to leave.” She looked at the girl. She was talking slowly, her tongue was sloppy and not helping her diction. Her eyelids heavy, her chest too. She felt stuck, she didn’t want to be there, but she had no idea where she wanted to be._

_“Now?” The girl asked._

_“Yes, now. And no one can see me.”_

_“I…” The girl seemed hesitant. Chaeyoung had never seen her, or at least she thought she had never seen her. “You can’t drive. I can help you.”_

_“Thank you.” Chaeyoung tried to smile. She looked at the glass next to her and was ready to reach to it. It had a sip of alcohol inside of it still, beside the green olive, but the brown eyed girl’s hand reached it first._

_“I’m taking this.” She said. Chaeyoung stared at her for a few seconds, she huffed and sighed before nodding. They left the restroom and Chaeyoung was guided out the building walking past the kitchen._

_“Take my car.” Chaeyoung said as they were walking to the parking lot. She found the keys and pressed the button to open the car so the lights could tell the girl where it was parked._

_“Do you have somewhere to go?”_

_“No.” Chaeyoung answered as she was sitting on the passenger seat._

_“Sorry I didn’t ask before, but what’s your name?” She turned the keys and started the car._

_“Park Chaeyoung.” Chaeyoung was lowering the backrest of the seat._

_“Park?” The brown eyes looked at her. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes before answering._

_“Yes. Unfortunately.” She rested against the lowered seat and closed her eyes. She was so sleepy and drunk she could have the best sleep right there. “What’s your name?” She asked quietly._

_“Jennie Kim.” The car started to slowly move, turning right to drive out the parking lot._

_“Cool name.” Chaeyoung mumbled. It was getting darker. The sky was purple, turning to dark blue._

_“Thanks.” Jennie lightly chuckled._

_“Wanna trade last names?” Chaeyoung opened her eyes and looked up at the girl driving her to who knows where. Jennie looked at her as she waited for the traffic light to turn green._

_“Not today, thanks.” She smiled at Chaeyoung, who smiled back and closed her eyes again._

_“Chaeyoung…” Jennie called the girl ten minutes later. “Wake up.” She said gently._

_“Where are we?” Chaeyoung opened her eyes with difficulty._

_“My house.” Jennie said stepping out of the car and closing the door. She walked over to the other side and opened Chaeyoung’s door._

_“You could have just dropped me off in the middle of the street. No one would care either way.” Chaeyoung sighed as she ran a hand through her hair and exited the car. Jennie closed the door behind her._

_“Don’t say that.” Jennie saw that Chaeyoung almost tripped over her heels and hooked her arm around Chaeyoung’s torso. Chaeyoung looked at her as she did it, feeling weird. Someone was being nice to her without expecting anything in return. That was different. The two went inside the building, took the elevator to the fifth floor and got to Jennie’s front door. “It’s very messy. Sorry.” Jennie opened the door after finding the keys inside her hand purse._

_Chaeyoung walked to the couch as Jennie turned on some lamps._

_“Do you need something?” Jennie asked. “Water? Food? Chocolate? A shower?”_

_“I'm… fine. But maybe chocolate.” Chaeyoung said as she took off her heels._

_“Ok.” Jennie chuckled and came back with a Snickers in her hand after a minute._

_“Ooh, love it.” Chaeyoung smiled and took the candy._

_“I need to go back, my friend is screaming at me through messages.” Jennie told her and chuckled._

_“You’re leaving me alone here?” Chaeyoung asked confused._

_“I’m sorry, I need to go back. You can watch Netflix, sleep… I don’t know. I’ll be back in less than three hours. Please be here or lock the door before leaving.” She smiled._

_“I… will.” Chaeyoung nodded._

_“Ok. See you later, be good.” Jennie jogged out the apartment in her heels and Chaeyoung watched the door close between them._

_Chaeyoung looked around. Jennie’s apartment was the size of her bedroom and bathroom together. It was tiny and full of personality. It had a small fireplace that Chaeyoung found beautiful. She wonders if that was the reason why Jennie liked the apartment._

_She walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. On the fridge door, there were many orange post-its, Chaeyoung read a few of them. It was mostly all of Jennie’s tasks and responsibilities during the month. It was September. She arched her brows to the number of things on there. If she did a thing like that what would be written? “Pee at 8pm, probably.” She answered out loud and rolled her eyes. She went back to the couch with a glass of water and grabbed her phone. Her dad hadn’t called her so he still hadn’t noticed that she was missing. He probably wouldn’t. She fell asleep right after._

_“Hey…” Jennie whispered and placed her hand on Chaeyoung’s knee, bouncing her leg lightly. Chaeyoung woke up with a gasp, her eyes scanned the room for something familiar and only when she met Jennie’s eyes did she realized where she was._

_“Hi… sorry.”_

_“Feeling better?” Jennie took a seat beside her._

_“Yes, thanks.” Chaeyoung nodded. She had a headache, but nothing that she wasn’t used to. “What time is it?”_

_“9:34.” Jennie looked at her phone._

_“I need to go. You have somewhere to be tomorrow at 8.” She put her hair up in a messy bun._

_“Did you read my post-its?” Jennie asked giggling. Chaeyoung chuckled and shrugged. “You can stay if you don’t feel safe to drive yet. I won’t be sleeping until 1, probably.”_

_Chaeyoung could drive. She had driven in much worse states, but she wanted to stay. She had no better place to be._

_“Ok.” She agreed._

_“Do you want to put on something more comfortable? I can’t believe you slept in those.” Jennie stood up and walked to her bedroom. Before Chaeyoung could answer she appeared with two pieces of clothing. “Pjs.” She smiled._

_Chaeyoung giggled as she put on the pajamas that were two sizes too small for her. Jennie was tiny, it was adorable. Jennie excused herself to take shower and returned a few minutes later in pjs matching Chaeyoung’s. The pair watched a few episodes of American Horror Story while eating pizza. Chaeyoung didn’t know if she would be able to stay in the dark after that, but she would never admit that out loud._

_“I’m going.” Chaeyoung returned to the living room having changed into her formal attire again._

_“Ok.” Jennie stood up from the couch and walked to her._

_“I…” Chaeyoung wanted to say thank you, but that seemed too little. “Thank you for helping me. My dad would kill me if he saw me like that in there.”_

_“It happens to all of us sometimes.” Jennie shrugged. Sometimes. Chaeyoung tried to smile about it._

_“Thank you again.” She stared into the brown eyes. Jennie smiled._

_“It’s no problem.”_

_“Do you work for my dad?” Chaeyoung asked, she still wasn’t sure if that was it._

_“No, I was there with my friend, who works for your dad, her name is Irene.” Jennie nodded._

_“Oh.”_

_“You work there?”_

_“I do, I… my dad wanted me to.” Chaeyoung looked down. She felt so weird talking about that. People typically think 'Oh, she’s the chosen one to take care of the family business’ but it was nothing like that. Chaeyoung had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. Her dad was tired of her only sleeping and partying so he put her to work. She did small things, but at least she did something._

_“That’s good.” Jennie smiled at her again._

_“I think so.” Chaeyoung gulped._

_“I’ll see you around, maybe? Who knows.” Jennie opened the door and Chaeyoung stepped out._

_“Maybe.” She smiled lightly. She turned her back to leave, but in an impulsive decision she turned back and hugged Jennie instead. At first, Jennie was a bit surprised, but she quickly wrapped her arms around Chaeyoung’s thin torso. “Thank you.” Chaeyoung said again. She wasn’t only thanking Jennie for helping her out the party but also for smiling at her genuinely, for asking her if she was ok over and over again. She wasn’t used to so much care, her stomach felt warm and fluttery, she decided she liked this feeling._

_“No need to thank me.”_

_Chaeyoung and Jennie had exchanged numbers and in the following weeks started regularly texting each other. They were 'friends’ who never saw each other… until Chaeyoung decided to change that._

_Approximately three weeks after they had first met, on a Saturday night when she was too drunk to go home, Chaeyoung decided to show up at Jennie’s doorstep. She had always thought about doing this, but her sober self wouldn’t let her, too afraid that she might annoy the only friend who seemed to genuinely care about her._

_Because that was the only thing she seemed to do to everyone else._

“Chaeyoung?” She heard three knocks on the car window and her name being said after. She opened her eyes and followed the noise. Her chest almost shattered when she caught two brown eyes staring at her, a worried expression watching her. She realized she fell asleep right there in the parking lot of the convenience store. She lowered the car window.

“Hi.” She mumbled.

“Hi.” Jennie watched the girl throw the an empty bottle of vodka to the back seat. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing.” Chaeyoung shook her head, her eyes looking anywhere but at Jennie.

“You were sleeping.”

“Yeah, I was.” Chaeyoung met the brown haired girl’s gaze. Jennie was wearing a yellow beanie, a sweater, torn jeans and boots. Chaeyoung gulped and looked down again. She hated staring at Jennie.

“You can’t do that.”

“Why?” Chaeyoung chuckled bitterly.

“It could be dangerous.” Jennie looked around. It was already dark and a pretty girl inside an expensive parked car wasn’t very subtle.

“Like it matters to you.” Chaeyoung shot back. Jennie sighed quietly.

“Don’t start.” She pleaded.

“I need to go.” Chaeyoung pressed the button to close the window, but Jennie put her hand on top of it, making Chaeyoung stop.

“Are you going to the brunch tomorrow?” She asked. It had been four months since Chaeyoung started working with her dad. She liked it because it kept her busy for almost eight hours of the day, but she also hated it. Everyone in the company seemed to find it hilarious that the boss’s daughter had such a minor job there. They looked at her as if she wasn’t enough, maybe they picked it up from her dad. But since she started working she stopped drinking during the week. She had a newfound will within herself to prove to everyone that she was responsible and capable of working an adult job; she was really proud of herself, but no one in her family noticed. Her mom had said to her in that same day that she needed to try harder or she would never be a part of the family. They didn’t notice shit.

“Probably.” Chaeyoung shrugged.

“It’s important, Irene told me. Be good, ok?” Chaeyoung glanced at Jennie. Her eyes were watching her with so much care and worry, Chaeyoung hated it.

“I will.” Chaeyoung turned the keys and closed the window. She drove back home.

_One._

_“Hi.” Chaeyoung smiled when Jennie opened the door to her at five in the morning. She was drunk and sleepy. It was a Sunday. It was the first time Chaeyoung decided to just show up at Jennie’s apartment since the bathroom episode._

_“Hey.” Jennie said quietly, her voice slightly hoarse from sleep, her eyes squeezed because of the light coming from outside her apartment._

_“I’m sorry… but I wanted to see you… and also it was closer than home.” She walked into the apartment, tossed her purse on the couch and laid down on the floor, beside the couch._

_“What are you doing there?” Jennie chuckled seeing the girl lying on the rug._

_“Sleeping.”_

_“Come here.” Jennie helped her to her feet and guided her to her bedroom. The blonde and brunette pair huddled together on the twin sized bed with Jennie’s tiny frame tucked under Chaeyoung’s chin. The older girl fell asleep before Chaeyoung who was still in a somewhat drunken daze. The soft brown eyes were trained onto Jennie’s sleeping face, memorizing all her little moles and freckles until she herself succumbed to the heavy arms of sleep._

_Two._

_“Hello, it’s me.” Chaeyoung sang after Jennie opened the door. Another Sunday, after Chaeyoung spent the Saturday night getting drunk. “I was wondering if I could crash here for tonight?” She was still singing it to the tune of the Adele song. Jennie laughed and let her in. She found it so self-destructive, what Chaeyoung did every weekend, but she couldn’t do anything to help. She tried having a conversation about it one of the mornings after Chaeyoung had slept over, but the girl just ignored her and changed the subject._

_Three._

_“Excuse me.” Chaeyoung said as Jennie opened the door, she immediately pushed past the shorter girl and made a beeline for her bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and emptied her stomach._

_Chaeyoung woke up the next morning and Jennie was sleeping with her head on the same pillow as her. She smiled and closed her eyes again, falling back asleep quickly. They always had lunch together on those Sundays. Chaeyoung learned that Jennie was smart, funny, sweet and so tender._

_Four._

_“Jennie, I’m angry.” It was three in the morning this time and Jennie was still up. The two took a seat on the couch and Jennie watched Chaeyoung toss her shoes away on the floor and move closer to her._

_“Why?”_

_“A guy tried kissing me tonight.” Chaeyoung said seriously. Her eyes were a bit red, her cheeks were pink and lips were plump. Jennie didn’t know if she was high or drunk. Maybe both._

_“Ok. You didn’t want to?” Jennie was looking into Chaeyoung’s eyes and saw the girl’s pupils going down to find her lips._

_“I didn’t.” Chaeyoung shook her head. “Stand up.” Chaeyoung stood up and waited for Jennie to do the same. Jennie looked at her confused but did it._

_“I’m the guy, you’re me.” Chaeyoung said. Jennie was more confused, but she giggled. “I was dancing and he just,” she grabbed Jennie’s arm and pulled her closer, “then he started to…” She slowly traveled her hand from Jennie’s back to almost find her butt and pulled her even closer. Their chests bumped. “And…” Chaeyoung stared at Jennie’s lips before leaning in and connecting hers with Jennie’s. She closed her eyes as she pressed them together, her heart was beating faster and faster. Jennie stood there frozen, her lips didn’t reciprocate but her eyes were closed._

_Chaeyoung stepped back and looked into the brown eyes now staring at her with an emotion she couldn’t quite place. “Sorry, I-”_

_“I… need to go to bed, Chaeyoung.” Jennie said after they just stared at each other in silence. “And I think you should go home.” Jennie walked to her room in a rush and closed the door. Chaeyoung stared at the closed door for who knows how long, she was only broken out of her daze when she felt tears streaming down her face. She fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 7am. She went home before Jennie could wake up._

_Jennie didn’t send any messages to Chaeyoung that week, and neither did Chaeyoung._

_Five._

_“I’m sorry about last week.” Chaeyoung was drunk and crying by Jennie’s front door. Jennie pulled her in and hugged her. They took a seat on the couch, Jennie comforting Chaeyoung._

_“It’s ok.” She caressed the nape of Chaeyoung’s neck as she sobbed into her shoulder. “But…”_

_Chaeyoung leaned back and stared at Jennie. “But what?”_

_“You need to stop.”_

_“Stop what?” She wiped the tears off her cheek._

_“Coming here.” Jennie looked down and gulped._

_“I… thought you liked me.” Tears started free falling from Chaeyoung’s eyes once again._

_“I like you, Chaeyoung.” Jennie watched the younger girl look up, desperately trying to hold back her tears. “But I can’t have anything distracting me from my studies. College and work take a lot from me. I can’t keep doing this.”_

_Chaeyoung felt as if a sinkhole had opened under her and the earth just swallowed her whole. Jennie was the best thing she thought she had and now she was just leaving her._

_“Alright.” Chaeyoung whimpered after a minute, between a sob. Chaeyoung stood up and started walking towards the door. Jennie’s hand grabbed her wrist gently, making Chaeyoung look back at her again._

_“Please, take care of yourself. Be good, ok?”_

_“Ok.” Chaeyoung’s voice cracked. Jennie nodded, her eyes showing all the concern she actually had about Chaeyoung. The taller girl continued her way out of the apartment. She closed the apartment door without looking back and rested her head against it. The blonde slid to the floor and brought her knees into her chest, she wasn’t crying, she doesn’t think she has any tears left to cry. She just blew it all up. She had a friend. She had someone to talk to and she ruined everything because she couldn’t stop her heart from falling for the first person who ever showed some interest in her well-being. She hated herself for it._

Chaeyoung got to the brunch ten minutes before her parents. She was talking to one of the workers when she saw Jennie arriving with her friend. Jennie had to know Chaeyoung would be there, so why did she still come with Irene? Surely Irene had someone else to take with her. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Excuse me.” She smiled at the woman she was talking to and walked to the restroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, hey eyes were sunken into their pockets. She willed herself to not cry in front of Jennie again, the number of times she had done this was already embarrassingly high. Chaeyoung splashed cold water onto her face and prepared herself to face the noise of the brunch once more, to face Jennie once more.

The blonde made her way out of the restroom and towards a waiter carrying a tray champagne. She picked up a glass and drank it all in one go. She walked to the balcony, slightly away from the crowd of incoming guests.

“You shouldn’t be drinking, you know?” She heard a voice coming from behind her. She turned her head to look in the direction of the voice.

“Why do you say that?” She asked the girl.

“It’s eleven in the morning. We know where this ends.”

“If they are serving champagne, someone needs to drink it. And you are?” Chaeyoung asked. She had never seen that face.

“Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.” The girl smiled. “I work two rooms after you.”

“Oh.” Chaeyoung nodded. She looked further again and her eyes spotted Jennie. This time, she wasn’t with Irene, she had another girl, a girl Chaeyoung was already familiar with, standing beside her, their arms intertwined. She looked at the girl beside Jennie from head to toe and clenched her jaw. She took a sip of her second glass of champagne.

“What is going on?” Jisoo asked, seeing that growing scowl on Chaeyoung’s face. Chaeyoung didn’t answer, she was too busy staring at the two. Jisoo followed her gaze and arched her brows.

“Any problem with them?” She asked.

“No.”

_Six._

_“What are you doing here?” Jennie asked Chaeyoung, who was holding her shoes in one hand and a bottle of vodka in other._

_“I wanted to see you.” She tried walking into the apartment but Jennie didn’t let her. Instead, Jennie walked out and closed the door behind her. “I can’t come in?” Chaeyoung’s eyes got watery._

_“No. You can’t.” Jennie said it looking down. She couldn’t stare at Chaeyoung, it hurt her to see the girl falling apart._

_“I thought… I thought it wasn’t this serious.” Chaeyoung tried her best to not break into sobs. She was drunk again._

_“Jennie?” They heard a voice coming from inside the apartment. Chaeyoung immediately frowned. Her eyes focused on a blank spot on the door. But she soon lost it because the door opened. “Is everything ok?” The girl asked, putting her head out and looking at Jennie. “Hi.” She glanced at Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung couldn’t answer._

_“It’s ok, Lis. I’ll be back in a minute.” Jennie gave the girl a quick smile, which she responded to with a nod. She disappeared after that._

_“Oh. I think her name is 'my things’? Because the last time we talked you couldn’t have anything distracting you from it.” Chaeyoung blurted out with anger in her chest. She started walking backwards, shaking her head as tears started streaming down her cheeks again. “I think I’m the problem. As usual. Too much trouble for you, right? For you and for the rest of the world’s population.” She managed to smile sarcastically._

_“Chaeyoung…”_

_“Shut up, Jennie.” She pressed the button for the elevator and then covered her ears with her both hands. She didn’t want to hear another word from Jennie. Again, she was feeling like shit. She wasn’t good enough for anyone._

“You seem to have one.” Jisoo said with her brows arched, obviously noticing Chaeyoung’s reaction when her eyes rested on the two girls.

“I don’t. Stop acting like you know me.” Chaeyoung didn’t mean to be rude or anything, she was just nervous.

“Sorry, but it’s just th-” Jisoo stopped in the middle of her sentence because Chaeyoung’s crystal glass broke in her hands. “I was going to warn you!” She said quickly.

“Fuck.” Chaeyoung looked at her and looked back at her hand. She didn’t even realize she was holding to the glass with that much strength. She noticed that a few people close to them were looking at her. Her palm was bleeding and some glass shards were on the floor.

“Come here.” Jisoo took her free hand and pulled her out of the balcony. “There is some shattered glass next to that vase, can you clean it up for us? Thank you.” Jisoo asked a guy who was working at the brunch. They walked to the restroom. Jisoo rinsed Chaeyoung’s hand and made sure there were no shards of glass stuck on her palm.

“You totally have a problem with them.”

“I do. Happy?” Chaeyoung sighed, annoyed. Jisoo only continued to check her hand.

It was still bleeding a bit when Jennie walked into the restroom. Jisoo and Chaeyoung looked at the door opening and when they saw who it was, Jisoo immediately glanced at Chaeyoung while Chaeyoung diverted her eyes to her injured hand. Jennie watched the two and walked closer seeing that Jisoo was holding a wet paper towel on top Chaeyoung’s palm.

“Are you ok?” Jennie asked Chaeyoung throwing a quick “hi” to Jisoo afterwards. She placed a hand on Chaeyoung’s back as she asked it, making Chaeyoung gulp in impatience. She hated that Jennie always seemed to be so attentive to her because that was the exact reason she had fallen for her and fucked everything up.

“I’m ok. Thanks.” Chaeyoung coldly answered without looking at the girl’s face.

“Can you leave us alone, please?” Jennie asked Jisoo. “I can hold it for now.” She pointed at the paper towel blocking up the blood.

“No.” Chaeyoung said to Jisoo, throwing her a pleading look. The brown eyes were practically screaming for her to not walk out of that restroom.

“Please.” Jennie looked at Chaeyoung, who sighed. Jennie smiled lightly to Jisoo and took hold of the paper towel.

“I’ll be outside waiting for you, ok?” Jisoo told Chaeyoung. The girl nodded. Jennie and Chaeyoung were alone in the restroom.

“Are you ok?”

“I said I am.” Chaeyoung replied quickly.

“You tend to lie when I ask you that.” Jennie glanced at Chaeyoung. She was still not looking up.

“Hm.” Chaeyoung shrugged.

“Did you drink today?” Jennie asked hesitantly.

“Yes.”

“You said you would be good.” Jennie said, a hint of disappointment in her tone.

“Yeah, I lied. I’m never good, and today I’m not going to be good either.” Chaeyoung tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but that was beyond her capacity while talking to Jennie.

“Chaeyoung…”

“The only thing I want to become very good at is pretending you don’t exist.” She lied. Jennie didn’t say anything back. Chaeyoung pulled her hand out from Jennie’s hold and walked out of the bathroom.

“I need a drink.” She said as she walked past Jisoo.

“You shouldn-” Jisoo was hushed by a finger on top of her lips.

“Quiet, please.” Chaeyoung drank another glass of champagne in seconds.

They ate right after, Chaeyoung watching from distance as her mother, father and sister talking animatedly with an old man who’s identity was unknown to her, but they seemed to be a happy family with no missing piece. She drank more than she ate.

'You could have worn a better dress’ was the only thing her mother said to her during the whole event.

Three hours later she was leaving alone. She went home to change from that dress and heels into something far more comfortable and left quickly thereafter. She drove to a park away from her neighborhood and took a seat on a bench next to a tiny lake. She watched the people passing by, some were walking their dogs, others following behind what Chaeyoung assumed were their kids running and laughing freely without a care in the world. She missed her childhood. She wasn’t considered a useless being back then. She wasn’t planning on drinking during that afternoon, but she just felt the need to. She shoved her hand into her purse and found her bottle of water. “Water”.

Chaeyoung didn’t want to go home so she decided to check in at a hotel. She chose the cheapest room, still expensive to most, so her father wouldn’t ask her what the fuck was that idiotic waste of money later.

She took a seat on the bed and looked around. It was almost 11pm. She was feeling lonely and drunk again. She laid back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. She reached for her phone on the nightstand and dialed a number she was used to dialing but never actually calling. This time, she did it. She called Jennie even though earlier that day she had said to Jennie’s face that she only wanted to be good at pretending she didn’t exist. Her heart was stronger than her.

“Chaeyoung?” Jennie said on the other side. “Chaeyoung?” She called again. Chaeyoung rarely called Jennie, but when she did the girl would always answer.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung said and bit her lip, trying not to cry already because the way Jennie said her name was different from everyone else.

“Are you ok?” That was the first thing Jennie asked her whenever they spoke. Chaeyoung even smiled at it this time, but the tears were already falling down her pink cheeks.

“No.” She said and the line went silent. “Jennie?” Chaeyoung called to make sure she was still on the line.

“I’m here.”

“Come here. With me.” Chaeyoung said and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for a negative answer.

“I don’t think I should.”

“You should. Please.” Jennie could hear Chaeyoung trying to hide her sniffs.

“Where are you?” Jennie asked.

“At Hilton’s, room 0808”

Fifteen minutes later, Jennie was at Chaeyoung’s hotel room door.

“What are you doing here?” Chaeyoung asked as she opened the door. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her hair was up in a messy bun and her mascara was speared on her bottom eyelid from the hours of crying.

“You told me to come so I did.”

“You weren’t supposed to.” Chaeyoung said quietly.

“So you could cry and drink about it more?” Jennie made Chaeyoung look up to her. Chaeyoung didn’t reply, it was true.

Jennie cleaned a bit of the blurry mascara under Chaeyoung’s eyes with the pad of her thumb. It only caused Chaeyoung’s eyes to fill with more tears, but Jennie smiled at her. Chaeyoung stepped to the side and motioned for the brunette to come in.

“Why are you here?” Jennie asked. Chaeyoung closed the door and made her way to the bed. She rested her back against the headboard and tilted her head to face Jennie.

“I didn’t want to go home.” She shrugged. Jennie was standing in front of the bed.

“Rich people.” Jennie rolled her eyes mockingly, making Chaeyoung giggle and throw a pillow at her. Jennie laughed and watched Chaeyoung reaching to a bottle of water on the nightstand. She took a sip. “What is that?” Jennie pointed at it.

“Water.” Chaeyoung replied and diverted her gaze from Jennie’s eyes.

“I know it’s not water.” Jennie took a seat on the end of the bed. Chaeyoung was staring at a blank spot on the white duvet. She wanted to cry again. Jennie stood up and walked to her. She took hold of Chaeyoung’s wrist lightly and grabbed the water bottle with her other hand. She freed the bottle from Chaeyoung’s hand and placed it on the nightstand again. Her hand holding onto Chaeyoung’s wrist slid down to intertwine their fingers. Jennie took a seat there, close to the brown eyed, holding her hand.

“You need to stop. Why can’t you eat chocolate instead of drinking? It would be a much healthier addiction.” Jennie heard Chaeyoung chuckling and that made her smile. A sad smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.

“It’s not that simple.” Chaeyoung looked at Jennie. Jennie looked down at their hands. Her thumb was caressing Chaeyoung’s, playing with her fingers. “Eating chocolate won’t give me the guts to do things I want to do but just can’t. It would just give me pimples.” Chaeyoung tried laughing it off.

“Like calling me?” Jennie looked into the brown orbs again. Chaeyoung nodded. “You can call me whenever you want. You can do whatever you want whenever you want.”

“I wish that was true.”

“It is true, and you know it. You’re just afraid to face things without being able to use 'I was drunk’ as an excuse.”

“I’m kind of drunk now.” Chaeyoung said after a minute thinking. “Can I use the 'I was drunk’ excuse for tonight?” She glanced at Jennie.

“Ok. I’ll allow you.” Jennie joked and smiled for a second, but she was serious again when she saw Chaeyoung’s eyes focused on her lips. She parted them instinctively, her eyes traveled from Chaeyoung’s moistened lips to her heavy-lidded eyes. Chaeyoung leaned in and placed a kiss on Jennie’s lips. When she didn’t feel Jennie push her away, she gave her another peck which slowly escalated to the two moving their lips against each other. That is until Jennie placed her hands over Chaeyoung’s shoulders, holding her back. “Chaeyoung…”

“But 'I’m drunk’ remember? The last time.” Chaeyoung’s eyes were pleading. Jennie didn’t say anything and lost her grip holding Chaeyoung away. Chaeyoung moved her hand to Jennie’s neck and pulled her closer as she leaned in. Chaeyoung looked into Jennie’s eyes before their noses bumped. She could feel Jennie’s perfume and the minty breath from the gum she chewed before getting there.

Their lips found each other and for the first time, Chaeyoung wasn’t the only one kissing. Jennie’s lips were replying by taking Chaeyoung’s between them. Chaeyoung felt a sudden will to cry again, but she wouldn’t ruin it.

Jennie’s lips felt so gentle. She was having second thoughts about if she should have started that. Now it would just be worse. Now she knew how it felt to have her lips kissed by Jennie’s and she had no idea what she would do if it never happened again.

The kiss started slowly and calm, but Chaeyoung wanted more. She moved back on the bed, parting their lips. She was wearing a robe and her hands found the knot on the strand keeping it covering her body. Jennie watched the robe slide to the sides, exposing Chaeyoung’s bare chest and panties. The brown eyes traveled the length Chaeyoung’s body and then moved back up to her eyes. They were shining from the tears and now the lust, reflecting the warm lights of the bedroom.

“This is not good for you.” Jennie said quietly and looked down, away from Chaeyoung’s almost naked form.

“You’re good for me. How could this not be good for me?” Chaeyoung whispered so as to not cry. Her voice was almost trembling again. Jennie stood up from the bed and took a seat on the floor, the back of her head facing Chaeyoung.

Jennie wasn’t leaving, but she also wasn’t doing what Chaeyoung thought she needed.

Chaeyoung’s eyes immediately responded by forming a river of tears. She hugged her own torso, pulling the robe to cover her body again and laid down, curled up to the side. She buried her face on the pillow and cried. She didn’t remember when she fell asleep, but when she woke up on the Monday morning, Jennie wasn’t there anymore.

After that night, Chaeyoung started going out every night. She needed some escape and she found it by touching another body. She met this girl named Joy and she was the perfect distraction during Chaeyoung’s nights. She was sweet and had no idea who Chaeyoung was or how much money she had because Chaeyoung simply said her name was Kim Chaeyoung.

During one of her nights, Chaeyoung had two fingers inside Joy and got herself thinking about what Jennie would look like if that was her instead. And that happened during the next two weeks. Always thinking about Jennie while she was with somebody else. On a Saturday night, Chaeyoung took Joy to an Italian pizza place. They were fuck buddies who had pizza together.

As the universe hated Chaeyoung again, it made Jennie show up in the same place as her. With company.

Chaeyoung spotted Jennie when she stepped in, but Jennie didn’t.

“I think we should… go.” Chaeyoung told Joy, who was eating a piece of Neapolitan pizza.

“What?” She asked as she tried to cut the cheese hanging between her teeth and the pizza. “We still have the Hawaiian pizza! Your favorite.” She smiled excitedly.

“But-”

“No buts. We’re staying.” Joy chewed another bite. Chaeyoung glanced behind the girl and she found two cat like eyes staring back at her. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and turned back to the pizza. Jennie was sat a table not so far from her own.

The pineapple pizza was brought to the table and Joy cheered, Chaeyoung couldn’t help but smile at it. Joy took a slice and placed it on Chaeyoung’s plate.

When Chaeyoung was about to bring it to her mouth, she involuntarily glanced in Jennie’s direction and caught the pair of brown eyes looking at her again. She diverted her gaze quickly back to Joy. The girl said something funny and Chaeyoung laughed. Jennie saw it.

Chaeyoung went to Joy’s apartment after, as usual. Joy was being good to Chaeyoung. During the first week they were going out together, they had to drink before going home to a bed, but now they didn’t and Chaeyoung kind of replaced alcohol with sex. Joy studied in the morning and was free during the nights, so Chaeyoung could always reach her because she was always there. They didn’t only have sex, they talked, laughed and Chaeyoung almost believed she was starting to forget Jennie.

What a massive lie.

_“I don’t want your body,_

_But I hate to think about you with somebody else,_

_Our love has gone cold,_

_You’re intertwining your soul with somebody else…”_

Jennie loved The 1975, but she had to turn off the stereo of the car.

“Why did you do thaaat?” Lisa asked Jennie.

“I’m not in the mood for music right now.”

“Jesus. Ok.”

Jennie got home and headed straight for the couch. She laid down and Lisa jumped on top of her.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lisa asked and poked Jennie’s nose.

“It’s nothing.” Jennie shook her head against the cushion.

“Ok.” Lisa said and pecked her cheek. “I’m going home because I need to work on a Sunday morning.” She made a crying face. Jennie stood up and hugged her. She gave her quick kisses over her neck.

“Are you sure you have to go?”

“Yes, sorry.” She pouted.

Ten minutes later Jennie was alone at home. She was staring at her phone screen.

Chaeyoung was on Joy’s bed, on top of Joy, when her phone started buzzing on the nightstand. She stopped midway down Joy’s abdomen and reached to see who was calling her. It was her mother. “What the fuck.” She mumbled. Her mother never called her.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?” Her mother asked. Chaeyoung furrowed her brows.

“I’m… out.”

“You haven’t slept at home in two weeks. I only see you coming in through the security cameras at like six in the morning every day.”

Chaeyoung was used to not sleeping at home during the weekends, but that had never happened so frequently during the week and even her mother noticed. Chaeyoung genuinely thought she wouldn’t.

“I…” Chaeyoung had no idea on what to say. Since when had her mom cared about when she got home or why she wasn’t home?

“Come home, sleep in tonight.” Chaeyoung was speechless. Her mother hung up.

“Chaeyoung? What happened?” Joy asked since Chaeyoung was silent, staring at her phone with a confused and surprised expression.

“Uh… nothing.” She shook her head. “I just need to… go home.”

She was in her car when her phone started buzzing again. She furrowed her brows in confusion. No way it was her mom calling her again fifteen minutes later. She took it and without looking to the screen she slid her finger to receive the call.

“Hello?”

“Rosie, where are you?”

Chaeyoung almost ran through a red light because her eyes totally zoomed out for a second when she heard the voice. It had been two weeks since the last time they talked.

“I… I’m driving home.” Chaeyoung stuttered.

“Can you come over?”

“I… I can’t. I need to go home.” Chaeyoung was so confused.

“Chaeyoung, you would never be going home on a Saturday night and I know that.” Jennie chuckled.

“I am going home.” Chaeyoung said seriously.

“You don’t have to lie to me. If you’re with someone else you just say it.” Jennie couldn’t understand why when she said those last words her blood seemed to boil. She was not used to that feeling. Jealousy.

“I am not. I’m going home, Jennie.” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes at Jennie’s tone.

“Sure.” Jennie let a sarcastic chuckle come out and Chaeyoung rolled her eyes again.

“You know what? Fuck you.” The line was cut.

Chaeyoung got home before midnight and her mother was in the living room right beside the stairs. Chaeyoung was going upstairs when she saw her mom. Claire stood up. She was wearing a robe, had a book on her hands and her glasses were next to the tip of her nose.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung said.

“I was worried. I’m glad you’re ok.” Claire Park was staring at her daughter. Chaeyoung looked down, feeling weird about having her mom’s eyes watching her for so long.

“I’m ok.” Chaeyoung nodded and tried to smile lightly. Claire nodded too and took a seat again on the armchair behind her.

“Goodnight.” Her mother said already having moved her attention back to her book.

“Goodnight.” Chaeyoung replied.

It was 5am when Chaeyoung woke up with her phone frenetically buzzing on her pillow. 7 missed calls. All from the same number. Jennie’s number. She turned her phone off and went back to sleep.

Jisoo called Chaeyoung on Sunday. They were talking a lot during work after the brunch and Jisoo said she would call Chaeyoung one of these days to hang out, and so she did. Chaeyoung and her went to the movies to watch Finding Dory. After that, they ate some junk food and then Chaeyoung dropped Jisoo off at her house. She liked Jisoo, she was funny and talked a lot so it was easy to keep a conversation with her about a variety of things. Chaeyoung caught her up on her situation with Jennie. She was the only person who knew now, and that meant a lot to Chaeyoung. She felt she could trust Jisoo and that was new to her. Having a friend she could count on.

Jennie didn’t try to call Chaeyoung that day.

Chaeyoung was sitting by her desk at work when she heard three knocks on the opened door of her tiny office.

“Excuse, Miss Park.” She heard Jennie saying. She looked up from the computer screen and found Jennie standing by her door. Jennie stepped in and closed the door behind her.

“What are you doing here?!” Chaeyoung asked looking at the brown eyed taking a seat on the other side of the desk. Chaeyoung was absolutely irritated and confused. Jennie had just walked into her father’s company, to find her office to talk to her in the middle of the afternoon?

“You ignored me. I’m here to ask why.”

“Because I don’t see any reason to keep talking to you.” Chaeyoung shrugged.

“We’re friends, friends talk.” Jennie said right after. Chaeyoung chuckled bitterly.

“Since when?” She shook her head. “I don’t want to be your friend.” She seemed so cold, like she wasn’t about to burst into tears. Jennie looked down and thought before speaking again.

“You want us to be what?” Jennie asked quietly, with a lump in her throat she didn’t want to believe it was there. Chaeyoung clenched her jaw and gulped.

“Strangers, maybe.” She managed to say without her voice cracking. Jennie looked surprised. Her cat like eyes lost their usual shine.

“Sorry for bothering you.” She stood up and left the room. Chaeyoung breathed in and out shakily. She was so tired of crying.

Jennie took Chaeyoung’s will seriously. Chaeyoung didn’t see or hear from Jennie for eight days after their last talk.

Jisoo’s friend was going to have a little celebration for his birthday at a bar on the other side of town. Jisoo invited Chaeyoung and she agreed because why not. Chaeyoung was still seeing Joy so she invited the girl to go with her but she declined, citing some college party she had already promised her friend she would go to.

Chaeyoung was sitting in a booth with Jisoo and some of her friends when she saw _her_ coming into the bar. It was still early and people were starting to arrive now. Chaeyoung saw Jennie sitting alone by the bar. Of course Jennie was there. Of course Jisoo’s friend worked for her father’s company and Irene was invited too and decided to bring Jennie as her plus one. Thirty minutes later, five girls and three guys walked in. Two of them walking to Jennie right away. Lisa and Irene.

“Take one.” Jisoo slid one of the many shots of tequila that the waitress had just brought to the table. Chaeyoung didn’t think before downing the shot. Jisoo looked at her with her brows arched and laughed. “That’s my girl!” Jisoo giggled. “She wants another one.”

“Hi.” Chaeyoung heard coming from behind her when she was in the bathroom. She closed her eyes and sighed. She was tipsy.

“I hate bathrooms.” She mumbled.

“Why?”

“Because I always run into you when I’m in one.” Chaeyoung turned to stare at Jennie. “That’s how we met.” She ironically smiled.

“I remember.”

“Cool. Bye.”

“Are you staying?” Jennie grabbed Chaeyoung’s wrist as she was passing by her to leave the bathroom.

“Why do you care.” Chaeyoung said and walked away.

She went back to the booth and tried focusing on anything other than Jennie, but when the girl returned from the restroom and immediately made a beeline for Lisa’s lap, Chaeyoung couldn’t take it anymore.

“I need to go home.” She told Jisoo and stood up.

'Waaait! Why?“ Jisoo asked and held her hand, preventing her from just walking out of the bar all of a sudden.

“I’m not feeling well.” Chaeyoung pointed to her head, lying about a headache. She glanced at Jennie for a second and Jisoo followed her gaze.

“You’re not leaving because of them, right?” Jisoo asked Chaeyoung and pointed at Lisa and Jennie subtly with her thumb up. Chaeyoung furrowed her brows and shook her head, but had to look down to avoid Jisoo’s eyes. “Chae, stay here, we’re having fun.”

“I need to go, seriously, I’m sorry.”

“Are you ok? You want company? We can watch a movie or something.” Jisoo offered. She knew and she could see Chaeyoung wasn’t fine enough to be alone that night. 

“No, it’s ok. I’m going home, you can stay.” Chaeyoung smiled lightly. Jisoo sighed and shrugged, giving up.

“Ok then, see you, Chaeng. When you get home send me a message.” Jisoo smiled. Chaeyoung nodded and smiled back before leaving the bar. She walked through the barely illuminated parking lot to find her car, her head slowly spinning from all the drinks she had.

She had merely opened the car door when someone’s chest bumped against her back, closing the door with the move and pinning her against it.

“Don’t go.” Jennie whispered next to her ear. Chaeyoung almost had a heart attack because she thought she was being robbed or something at first and also because Jennie was brushing her lips over her earlobe. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, feeling her chest aching, but also desire when Jennie’s hand moved her hair to fall over her right shoulder, leaving her neck exposed on the other. Jennie gripped her fingers over the nape of Chaeyoung’s neck, her hair between them. Jennie’s pelvis was pressing against Chaeyoung’s butt and her left arm was hooked around Chaeyoung’s torso, pulling her back closer to her chest.

“What are you doing?” Chaeyoung asked with sadness in her voice. Jennie couldn’t do that. If that day at the hotel was bad for Chaeyoung, why would this be any better?

“I’m here. For you.” Jennie started kissing down Chaeyoung’s neck, wet kisses that made Chaeyoung quiver.

“I didn’t ask you to be here.” She managed to say between a shiver that made her entire spine tremble. Jennie was gripping her with no intention to let go and Chaeyoung felt so safe yet so vulnerable to that feeling.

Jennie’s hand on Chaeyoung’s side started to slide down slowly and she shoved it under the girl’s jeans, quickly finding Chaeyoung’s center. The thin fabric of her panties was damp. Chaeyoung’s anticipation for that moment was so high that she moaned. Jennie pressed two fingers over Chaeyoung’s core.

“Stop it.” Chaeyoung panted. Jennie did as she asked. Chaeyoung pulled Jennie’s hand out from inside her jeans and turned her body to face Jennie. She saw those brown eyes looking at her so calmly, but they had such a power behind all that ingenuity. Chaeyoung cupped Jennie’s cheeks and pulled her head closer to crash their lips together. They traded long and calm kisses, their lips pressing together, feeling the texture of one on another. Chaeyoung ran her tongue over Jennie’s top lip and then she slid it inside the girl’s mouth. Jennie moved her tongue to find Chaeyoung’s and she felt her heart pressurize inside her chest as if it was telling her that she should have done this much sooner. Jennie placed her hands on Chaeyoung’s waist and pushed her against the car again, her entire body holding Chaeyoung stuck there.

Their kiss was intense, but not fast. Jennie’s tongue knew exactly where to reach and how to move, Chaeyoung going after her lead. Chaeyoung bit Jennie’s lip and sucked it, releasing slowly from between her lips. Chaeyoung took Jennie’s hand and pushed her so she could move. She opened the back door of the car. She stepped in and Jennie followed after her.

Chaeyoung pulled Jennie so she was standing in the middle of the seat and she straddled her. Jennie looking up at Chaeyoung, her hands already traveling up and down over Chaeyoung’s back and ass. Chaeyoung connected their lips again, her hands gripped on Jennie’s hair, pulling it lightly, sometimes harshly. Jennie unzipped Chaeyoung’s jeans. Chaeyoung parted their lips quickly so she could help Jennie to slide her jeans down. She was going back to the kiss, but Jennie started pulling her panties down too. She got rid of it.

Jennie grabbed the hem of Chaeyoung’s shirt and took it off. Chaeyoung was half naked on top of her. She changed that half-naked to naked quickly. Jennie started kissing Chaeyoung’s neck, her tongue sliding between her lips, her teeth brushing her skin. Her hands running over Chaeyoung’s back, grabbing her waist, her nails leaving light marks. She went down to Chaeyoung’s breasts, her tongue finding her nipple. Chaeyoung tossed her head back in arousal and moaned quietly as Jennie started swirling her tongue around it, her hands now bringing her two breasts closer. Jennie licked her cleavage and moved to the other nipple, making Chaeyoung gasp. Jennie slid her index finger over Chaeyoung’s abdomen, barely stroking her skin, but making electricity spark wherever she brushed her fingers. She went down with it, while her teeth lightly brushed over Chaeyoung’s hard pink nub.

Jennie made all the butterflies flutter inside Chaeyoung’s stomach when her finger went down her bellybutton, reaching her center. Chaeyoung was soaking wet by this point. Jennie groaned when she let her finger drawn easily over her folds. She teased, almost entering Chaeyoung with one finger, but she slid it back up to find Chaeyoung’s clit. She started swirling her finger around it, to then tremble her digit side to side, with not much pressure. She was so sensitive to all her touch, she didn’t need much effort to make Chaeyoung quiver on top of her. Jennie’s mouth was still covering one of her breasts, her tongue grinding over her nipple.

“Jennie…” Chaeyoung whined with her eyes shut. She was biting her bottom lip and breathing heavily. Jennie heard Chaeyoung and immediately let two fingers to enter her. Chaeyoung gasped and her hand gripped around the nape of Jennie’s neck with strength. It felt so good to know that it was Jennie’s fingers inside her.

Jennie started to flick her fingers inside Chaeyoung, slowly at first, but she was rushing her pace. She found Chaeyoung’s sweet spot seeing the girl’s reaction to the touch, she went faster. Chaeyoung was whimpering and she couldn’t even try to kiss Jennie at this point because she was losing her mind. Jennie started going in and out of her, in a slow pace because that’s how she noticed Chaeyoung reacted better.

Chaeyoung moaned and gasped before being quiet, biting her lip. Her neck veins were almost exploding at the pressure she was making. Jennie felt her walls tighten and went faster until Chaeyoung had to shove her hand away and out of her. She crashed on top of Jennie. Her muscles just seemed nonexistent, she was shaking. She wasn’t feeling anything because she had just felt everything at once. Her heart was beating faster than ever and she wasn’t thinking, the only thing she was aware of was her heartbeat.

“Are you ok?” Jennie asked after a couple minutes of just breathing. Chaeyoung’s face was buried in the crook of her neck.

“Can you please not ask me that after you gave me a major orgasm?” Chaeyoung whispered, still out of her breath. Jennie laughed quietly.

“Sorry, habits.” Jennie chuckled.

‘’Jennie, you have a girlfriend.’’ Chaeyoung mumbled.

‘’I don’t, Lisa is my best friend since I was five.’’ Jennie said quietly. Chaeyoung brought her head up, staring at Jennie’s face.

‘’Why did you let me think that she was?’’

‘’I didn’t, you never asked me.’’ Jennie’s husky voice was deeper.

“Because it seemed pretty obvious to anyone watching.” Chaeyoung shrugged.

“And why did you keep coming after me even thinking that I had someone?” Jennie asked suddenly and Chaeyoung had absolutely no answer. She had one answer, but she couldn’t say it out loud.

“I wouldn’t say that to you.” She said and looked down.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know the reason.” Chaeyoung lied.

“You don’t?” Jennie asked one time, trying to give Chaeyoung a chance to say what she was thinking. Jennie knew there was something, and she knew exactly what it was, she just wanted to hear Chaeyoung say it.

“No.” Chaeyoung shook her head.

Jennie didn’t know why all those confusing feelings she was having for Chaeyoung were just consuming her whole and when they reached her head, she couldn’t hold her nerves. She let her anger take over.

“If that’s it then I don’t know either.” She said coldly, clenching her jaw. “I need to go back.” She started to push Chaeyoung away from being on top of her.

“I thought-” Chaeyoung was lost, her eyes followed Jennie searching for a reason behind her sudden change of attitude. She slid to the side, sitting beside Jennie, completely naked.

“Where’s my phone?” Jennie asked trying to find the phone around the back seat. Chaeyoung saw it lying on the car carpet and handed it to Jennie.

“Thanks.” Jennie said without looking at Chaeyoung.

“Jennie…” Chaeyoung was so confused she wasn’t even processing that Jennie was actually opening the car door. When Jennie did it, Chaeyoung quickly grabbed her shirt to cover her naked chest.

“Oh… and” Jennie looked at Chaeyoung, her eyes seemed opaque, she looked drunk, disappointed and even mad, “this is never happening again.” She looked down. “Bye, Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung was alone and naked inside her car. The windows were still completely covered by the heat of their heavy breathing, but she was alone. She was confused, lost and alone. Again.

She started crying. Why did Jennie change from 'don’t go’ to 'this is never happening again’ just like that?

She sent a message to Jisoo lying that she was at home because the girl had asked already if she was safe in her bed.

Two hours later, Jennie left the bar with Lisa. When they were walking to Lisa’s car, Jennie saw the Car still parked on the same spot.

“Lis… you can go home. Ok?”

Jennie couldn’t pretend she didn’t see Chaeyoung’s car right there. She was angry before, but that was just because she wanted to hear something Chaeyoung was too scared to say. She wanted to hear something she knew she couldn’t admit herself either if Chaeyoung asked her.

“What?” Lisa asked confused and turned to look back at Jennie. “You’re drunk and absolutely not staying here longer.” Lisa walked to her and started to pull her along.

“No, seriously. I need to stay.” Jennie looked at one of the few cars parked there. Lisa followed her stare and arched her brows, understanding what it was about.

“Oh.” She said. “Are you sure?” Jennie nodded in response. Lisa placed a kiss on her cheek and waved her goodbye. “Tomorrow you’re having dinner at my parents’ house, ok? Bye.”

Jennie gave her a thumbs up and began making her way to the car.

She tried opening the door, but it was locked. She wiped the water on the dimmish window with her hand to try looking inside, but it was too dark. She walked to the other side of the car because she saw Chaeyoung’s phone screen lighting on the back seat, but she stopped before getting to the window because Chaeyoung was sitting outside the car, against the back tire, her head rested on her arms sitting atop her folded knees. Jennie immediately crouched beside Chaeyoung.

“Rosie?” She called the girl, worried. It seemed as the alcohol in her head just evaporated when she saw Chaeyoung obviously needed her.

Her hands slid over Chaeyoung’s back and legs. Chaeyoung didn’t answer to the call. Jennie brought Chaeyoung’s head up, holding onto her jaw. Chaeyoung had her eyes closed. “Rosie?” Jennie was shaking her head. She tried opening the girl’s right eye. Nothing. She shook her head a bit more, calling her name and she finally opened her eyes. Slowly, but she did it. “What are you doing here?!” Jennie was scared and completely worried.

“I…” Chaeyoung tried saying, but she turned her head to the other side and threw up instead. Jennie held her hair.

“We need to go home, Chaeyoung.” Jennie said as the girl was still spilling some of her vomit on the concrete under them.

“I just… I needed to pee, Jennie.” Chaeyoung mumbled, she rested her head against the tire.

“Ok, and did you pee?”

“I think so… here… I couldn’t walk very far…” Chaeyoung looked down between her legs. Jennie looked down too, she had peed on her pants.

“We need to go, Chaeyoung. Please.” Jennie said. She couldn’t see Chaeyoung like that. It hurt her that she was one of the reasons she was in that situation right there.

“I have nowhere to go, Jennie…” Chaeyoung said with her eyes closed. She had drunk more inside her car during those two hours Jennie was inside. Jennie’s eyes got watery when she heard those words.

“You do. You have me. You’ll always have me.” Jennie cupped Chaeyoung’s cheeks and the girl opened her eyes to stare back at the brown orbs.

“Can I sleep at your house? I need your chocolate.” Chaeyoung said slowly, her tongue taking its time to translate what her brain wanted to say. Jennie chuckled and agreed, as if she would not. She got the car keys from the floor, helped Chaeyoung to get up and made her sit on the passenger seat.

Jennie opened her apartment door and took Chaeyoung to the bathroom. Chaeyoung took a seat on the floor, resting against the wall. Jennie ran to the kitchen to get the Snickers and a glass of cold water. She handed the candy to Chaeyoung, and she took her five minutes to eat all of it. Jennie sitting on the toilet, watching her. When she finally finished it, Jennie stood up and turned on the shower.

“I don’t need a shower… I just want to sleep… please, please, please.” Chaeyoung mumbled, her head tossed to the side, resting on her own shoulder. Jennie crouched and made Chaeyoung look at her.

“I need you to take your clothes off, Rosie.”

Chaeyoung stared at Jennie’s face for a while, without an answer.

“Why did you leave me in the car alone?” Chaeyoung whispered and Jennie saw the girl’s eyes getting watery and a gulp going down her throat.

“Your clothes, Rosie.” Jennie ignored the question. Chaeyoung looked down and sighed quietly. She grabbed the hem of her shirt, but she was just too drunk to have any strength to pull it up.

“Do it yourself.” Chaeyoung said and was practically sleeping. Jennie stared at her form, almost lying on the bathroom floor. She started pulling her shirt off. She did it and helped Chaeyoung to sit on the toilet so she could take off her pants. Chaeyoung was only in her underwear, looking so tiny and vulnerable.

Jennie was crouched in front of her sitting on the toilet. Chaeyoung still had her eyes closed. Jennie caressed her cheek, her thumb slowly tracing paths next to her lips. She didn’t want Chaeyoung to feel alone anymore. While she did it, Chaeyoung unhooked her own bra, letting it slide down to the floor. Jennie watched it and then leaned in to place a few kisses over Chaeyoung’s stomach. Nothing sexual, she just wanted Chaeyoung to feel safe. She made a path from Chaeyoung’s belly to her neck, slow and gentle kisses that made Chaeyoung wake up a bit and tears to start falling down her cheeks. Jennie helped her to stand up and moved her to the shower. She slid Chaeyoung’s panties down and told her to sit.

She washed her hair and started holding meaningless conversation to keep Chaeyoung awake so that she doesn’t fall asleep under the stream of water. When Jennie turned off the shower Chaeyoung felt a bit better. She was standing by herself. Jennie wrapped Chaeyoung with a towel and dried her body and hair. She gave Chaeyoung a toothbrush and told her to get rid of that taste of vomit, Chaeyoung giggled. Jennie made her put on a robe and they moved to her bedroom. Jennie told Chaeyoung to wait a few minutes because she also needed to take a quick shower. Jennie brushed Chaeyoung’s hair later, while the girl hummed a High School Musical song for some reason.

“Now you can sleep.” Jennie said after she placed the hairbrush on her nightstand. Chaeyoung looked at her and smiled lightly, looking down after. “What?” Jennie asked and took a seat beside Chaeyoung on the bed.

“I’m cold.” Chaeyoung said and looked at Jennie.

“I can get another blanket if y-”

“No.” Chaeyoung shook her head and grabbed Jennie’s wrist before she could stand up from the bed. Jennie glanced at her. “You can warm me. Put your arms around me.” Chaeyoung mumbled, scared of starting it again and maybe ruining everything one more time. But she couldn’t help herself.

“I can. Yes.” Jennie said looking down. She stood up and pulled the duvet. She motioned to Chaeyoung to get under it, so the girl did it. They were lying face to face and Jennie pulled Chaeyoung closer. She intertwined their legs and connected the tip of their noses. “I’m already warmer.” She whispered.

“Me too.” Chaeyoung smiled. It was the first time she was on a bed with Jennie, not being drunk. Technically.

“I’m sorry I left you in the car alone. I don’t know what happened.” Jennie said quietly. Her lamp was still on so they could look into each other’s eyes.

“I know.” Chaeyoung’s eyes looked down. She blinked a few many times before looking up again.

“You do?”

“Can we sleep?” Chaeyoung asked suddenly. Jennie had things to say. Things about how she cared for Chaeyoung so much she could stay there as long as she needed her to, things about how her heart hurt when she saw her with another girl. Things about how Chaeyoung never left her head, never, ever since the first day she showed up on her door drunk. Things about how she had realized the reason to all that only a few days before that right moment.

“Yes.” She smiled. She turned off the lights and they fell asleep with their lips almost brushing.

Chaeyoung woke up and looked at her phone screen. 6:07am. She slid it back under her pillow and her eyes rested on Jennie’s sleeping face. The sun was starting to think about rising, the sky outside was a mix of shades of blue and lilac.

Chaeyoung couldn’t resist her will to touch her, she brought her hand up from above the sheets and placed it on Jennie’s cheek lightly. The pad of her thumb caressing the girl’s smooth and tan skin. Her fingers lightly pinched her dumpling like cheeks. The girl wrinkled her nose while still sleeping, making Chaeyoung chuckle, but she held her laugh, only a smile still showing on her face.

“Jennie.” Chaeyoung whispered one time. No answer. She sighed softly, thinking a million times about all that she felt towards the sleeping girl. She didn’t want to only be her friend, she didn’t want them to be strangers, like she lied that one time, she didn’t want them to only be a memory to each other. She wanted Jennie and only Jennie. She was afraid of loving someone because she didn’t consider herself good enough for anyone to love her back. But it just happened and she was scared as hell. “I…” Chaeyoung let a tear escape. She wiped it off and breathed in and out deeply. She knew Jennie was sleeping, but she was so nervous. Again she was exposing herself, being vulnerable. “I love you.”

She felt a hundred pounds to get off of her shoulders, but another hundred made its way on top of it again. She felt so dumb and weak for saying it while Jennie was sleeping.

She let her hand slide to Jennie’s hair, where she was slowly playing with it. Her eyes started to close again and she yawned. She was almost drifting to her deep sleep again when she heard her favorite voice.

“Rosie.” Jennie whispered. Chaeyoung’s brows moved as an answer before she was able to open her eyes again. Jennie saw she was still awake.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung whispered, her eyes trying to stay half open. A tiny smile on her lips.

“You look cute.” Jennie chuckled.

“Thanks.” Chaeyoung whispered back. Jennie didn’t wait a second to say it right after that.

“I love you too.”

Silence filled the room. 

“You do?” Chaeyoung asked with her eyes forming new tears.

“I do.” Jennie said quietly. Her voice was almost failing. She felt so touched by Chaeyoung when she put her walls down and just let them be.

“Are you sure?” Chaeyoung seemed to be frightened by the idea for a second. Jennie’s lips started to form a tiny smile seeing the girl’s reaction. Chaeyoung’s eyes were a bit widened. “I’m not very nice or smart… I’m kinda-” Chaeyoung stuttered and her lips were closed by Jennie’s finger. Jennie looked her in the eyes and smiled lightly.

“Chaeyoung. I love you.” She said. Her voice loud and clear. Not a whisper, not a mumble, so Chaeyoung could filter it easily.

Chaeyoung just stared at her for a minute in silence. Every drop of alcohol she had ever had in her life washed her thoughts away and all she could see about herself was that. Her drinking problems. How could anyone handle that if even she couldn’t? She thought. She was feeling scared.

“But I drink too much.” She blurted out. Jennie slid her head over the pillow to connect their noses.

“We can work that out. I can help you.” She said and placed a kiss on the tip of Chaeyoung’s nose.

“But my mother hates me.” Chaeyoung said quietly, remembering how her family hurt her. She wanted it to be different, but she didn’t know how to change it.

“She doesn’t.” Jennie placed a kiss on her forehead.

“She does.” Chaeyoung nodded. Jennie shook her head and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“So you need to talk to her. Tell her you need her to help you too.”

Chaeyoung didn’t want to believe it was that simple, but with Jennie saying it, it sounded so easy.

“But she wi-” Chaeyoung tried to fight the idea. Jennie hushed her by placing a kiss on her lips. Chaeyoung’s heart jumped. She was not used to that.

“She won’t. You just need to reach out to her. I’m sure she’ll answer. It’s gonna get better, you’ll see.” Jennie’s eyes were so gentle and caring about Chaeyoung’s worries and that caused Chaeyoung’s pulse to rush again. Her eyes were watery once more.

“But I just exist to fuck things up, I don’t want to do it to you too.”

“I’m already fucked up by you.” Jennie joked, making Chaeyoung pout. Jennie laughed and cupped her cheeks to press kisses over her lips. “I’m just kidding.”

“I need you, you know that?” Chaeyoung’s voice cracked and she had to gulp before ending the sentence. She was holding her will to cry and just squeeze Jennie and never let go.

“I need you too.” Jennie smiled and her legs under the duvet pulled Chaeyoung’s entwined legs closer to her.

“No. Why would you? You already have everything.” Chaeyoung’s eyes looked down. Jennie grabbed her chin and made her look up.

“Can you please stop?!” Jennie said it serious, but giggled after. Chaeyoung smiled and felt her cheeks blushing. She knew she wanted to be loved, but now it felt hard to believe that someone actually loved her. And that _someone_ was _Jennie_. The one she loved back. “I love you, Rosie.”


End file.
